So. At breakfast this morning, a particular glob of food happened to sail through the air and hit a particular Slytherin cousin of mine in the back of the head. This, of course, was quite satisfying for a certain Gryffindor.
Unfortunately, it sailed from the direction of the Hufflepuff table. Said cousin marched up to the Hufflepuff table, wand in hand, demanding that the perpetrator reveal himself.
Eventually, this particular cousin blamed the whole fiasco on Dorcas Meadowes. "Did you fling minced pork at my head?" asked Cousin Dearest oh so sweetly with said glop absolutely just sliding out of her stringy tresses.
Sweet Dorcas glanced at Cousin over the top of the book she was reading. "Certainly not. And kindly stop dripping it into my pumpkin juice." Cousin began to turn beet red about the ear tips.
"Admit your transgression, or I shall make you humiliate yourself in front of the whole school!" she screeched, leveling her wand at Dorcas. Darling Dorcas merely took her book and calmly clocked Cousin about the jaw with it. Sent Cousin flying, she did. Over the Ravenclaw table. Arse over elbows. I shall never forget the way her feet flew up over her head that way.
Then, Charming Dorcas took her glass of spoilt pumpkin juice, marched over to Cousin and upturned it over her head. "Bellatrix," Dorcas said to Cousin, "never blame me for crimes I am innocent of again. Or it is I who shall be humiliating you."
The entire Great Hall applauded Dorcas that day. Except for those Slytherin gits. But they don't count.
I woke to find it had all been but a glorious dream.
I was in such a generous mood (thanks to said imagined thrashing of Cousin Trixie), I was even able to forgive Snape when my Engorgement Potion exploded later today. Of course, it did spill only on him, but that's beside the point.